Community Matters

For as long as I can remember, my dad has solved a daily crossword puzzle. Or two. During a recent visit, I awoke early in the mornings, walked into my parents' dining room area, and found my dad solving the day's puzzles. When he’d get a little stumped, we’d work together to complete the answers. It was fun, this simple time together doing nothing of major significance. Yet it felt pretty significant. I realized then it’s the seemingly insignificant things that matter most. The things we often forget to notice.

My dad and I chatted about random nothingness while we solved the puzzle. Each brief topic of conversation led down a new thought path. One of the puzzle answers had to do with running a tab, the way people used to do before credit existed. My dad started reminiscing about when he was a little boy, maybe eight or ten years old, and he would go to the local corner grocery store to buy a 5-cent bag of peanuts. He’d tell the merchant to put the purchase on his dad’s “tab.” Of course 5 cents was a lot of money back then, so he wasn’t allowed to do that very often. But he still remembers the shop owner’s name, Tony Martorana. Seventy-some years later, he still remembers. Because people took the time to know each other.

It started me thinking about community. The importance of community. Our current lack of community. My hope that we begin again to recognize our need for community and seek it out. Community as defined in the Journal of Community Psychology is

a feeling that members have of belonging, a feeling that members matter to one another and to the group, and a shared faith that members’ needs will be met through commitment to be together.

I imagine “back in the day,” there was a greater sense of community. One example is this relationship my dad described amongst patrons and merchants. People knew each other. They trusted each other. When you asked a clerk to put something on your tab, you trusted that when you returned to pay your balance, the balance would indeed be what you owed and nothing more. And the clerk trusted you would in fact pay that bill. Each held up their end of the unwritten agreement. Your name and reputation meant something in the community because people invested in each other.

I’m thinking about the way things are now. The innovations and advances . . . all the things that supposedly improve our lives, make us more efficient, keep us more connected. Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost our community; we’ve stopped spending our time getting to know those around us, stopped desiring to depend on people and be depended upon.

I know things won’t return to the way they used to be. And I'm good with that. We’ve gained unlimited benefits from progress. However, I think we’ve willingly forfeited our community.

I’d like to regain community in my own life. I want to look up and look around. To be more purposeful with my attention. To take notice of people around me and really see them. Acknowledge them and show them that someone sees them, that they can rely on others and be relied upon. Remind them that people still matter.

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