Navigating the Fears of Change

"Every small change you make pays compound interest. It helps you make another change, another mind-set shift, another decision to live a new way." —Cait Flanders, The Year of Less, page 165

The seasons have begun their change from winter to spring. Last night I watched the ultrabright colors of the sunset. It started me thinking about the seasons throughout my life, the many identities I've held, and how its all evolving.

Even though I know things around me are in a constant state of flux, I tend to expect things will remain the same. I cling to old stories I tell myself about who I am or who I think I'm expected to be. Some roles I've chosen for myself; others were placed upon me. Many of my roles have served me and those around me well; some probably not so much. Some roles I'll carry throughout my lifetime; others are finite and no longer necessary. I'm recognizing which identities its time I release.

Often I find myself reluctant to change because staying the same feels more comfortable, more controllable, more certain. Mostly I resist out of fear. So I'm learning to navigate some of the fears that come with change and reject the counterproductive ones:

• Fear of the effort it takes to change. It seems easier when things stay the same.
• Fear of moving on from roles that were once significant and not knowing where the changes will lead.
• Fear that I'll fail along the way and I'll have to admit to that failure.
• Fear of judgment and a lack of acceptance from people who have only known me a set way, that I'll no longer fit in.

This last fear has held a lot of weight for me. I deeply understand being judged and being the judge. I used judgment as a protection technique growing up; I became the judge to combat being judged, whether by myself or by someone else. And unfortunately I cultivated that role well over the years. I'm putting in the work to discontinue this identity—to stop fearing others' judgments of the changes I'm making, and to stop passing that judgment on . . . to recognize that each of us is doing the best we can with what we have available to us during our own seasons. I'm choosing to pause and be more aware of my thoughts, to stop the harmful ones.

I've heard it said, "We don't know what we don't know." Only after making several lifestyle changes have I realized how much better I can feel. There's still a lot I don't know. But by avoiding change, I miss opportunities to improve my overall well-being, to broaden my experiences, and to engage with the intricacies of the people and world around me. I'm challenging myself to remain constantly curious and compassionate as I discover new things. Put in the effort. Accept some discomfort. Be bold in my choices. I don't want to settle for a less-than-vibrant life merely because I'm afraid.

Ultimately, I want to be more aware when I'm interacting with people and see them attempting to make positive changes and assume new roles . . . encourage them to follow through with implementing those changes, unapologetically, even when—especially when—those choices differ from my own. Different paths are still good paths. Our choices won't be perfect. We'll try and then try again. And that's okay. We'll learn to go against the grain, be a little countercultural, be more ourselves.

Hopefully our paths will overlap along the way and we'll develop unexpected, deeper, more meaningful connections during the journey. I look forward to exploring the new and the not yet known of the seasons ahead.

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